I’m a Mum of two. I have a daughter who is now 7 and a son who is 9. 

From the time they were born up until about 4 years ago, I lived with a hyperactive nervous system which triggered my fight or flight response from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. 

I remember waking up suddenly through the night and in the morning gasping for air. 

I remember getting out of bed looking at my eyes in the mirror and seeing my pupils dilated as if I was about to get eaten by a tiger.

I remember the terrifying moment where I realized I no longer had the ability to hide the chaos of my inner world.

It was real. It was happening to me physically. Not just in my head. My fears around motherhood and all the self-doubt and negative thoughts I had been pushing down for my whole life had reached a boiling point.

And motherhood was what triggered it. 

My initial reaction was to be angry at myself. 

To treat myself with a “HOW DARE YOU” attitude - when clearly, I had it so much better than most other humans on this planet.

A roof over my head, a spouse with a steady income, food on the table, two beautiful healthy kids. 

I was a mother now, I had to be STRONG. Keep it together. Get meals on the table, a clean house, and money in my bank account. I didn’t have time for this. My body was failing me.  

Shame and guilt upon layers of shame and guilt. With sprinkles of resentment all over the place. 

The reason I am telling you this... is that I see glimpses of that version of myself from 5 years ago almost every week in the photography studio as a maternity photographer of nearly 10 years…

The version of me who ignored her body, put it last, who shamed it, who could never accept a compliment...

Who was never up to the standards of “motherhood” and apologized constantly.

Unfortunately, many of us aren’t given the tools from medical doctors about the importance of doing the inner work needed in order to support this major transition in our life. The major transition in our identity really. 

Then when we hit a wall in our self-confidence, and experience an identity crisis or suffer from any mental health conditions as a result of this major transition we are often just handed a prescription.

I wanted another way out. What I discovered was a way in.

ALL this heaviness. It is not your fault. BUT you do have a choice. 

You can choose to open up and see the strength in your vulnerability. 

You can choose to surround yourself with people who have been there, who see and hear understand you on a deep level. Someone who can support you in growing through this transition, you are not meant to do this alone! 

When all is said and done I’m not a miracle worker. I have no magic wand. You are your own best healer. I am here to simply empower you to choose yourself, to prioritize your happiness and to lead you to a path, as a guide. 

Choose yourself, because you, your kids, your partner, family friends and the world deserves the best of you, not what’s left of you.

Love, 

Cait